As a child, I thought of my differences from others as something that made me special. No one else I knew lived in a single-parent home or moved and changed schools every year. As I grew, I tried to learn from others how to fit in. I saw that having a partner was a popular thing. I thought alcoholism entered my life when my partner did. But when I finally found Al‑Anon, I learned that I had been raised in the disease as well. The distorted thinking I grew up with allowed me to feel comfortable in isolation and separateness.

I first started hearing about diversity in Al‑Anon at a service-related workshop. I was from an Area that didn’t have a lot of diversity. Wait, what? I was locked into the idea that diversity was only linked to skin color or wealth status. As I considered what else it might mean, I discovered that anything that can set us apart from each other could be considered diversity. Anytime I gathered with other people, my search would begin. I’d look for others of my gender, of my age, with my lack of fancy clothes. I would quickly assess the room for people like me and become uncomfortable if no one fit the bill.

As my understanding of diversity broadened, I realized the members who attended groups with me were indeed diverse. I saw educational diversity, which led to economic diversity. That same diversity led to opportunities for some but not others, including various educational backgrounds that emerged as I got to know members’ stories. Differences of opinion, understanding, and levels of recovery all started to appear even as our stories shared a common thread. What seemed like a circle of families and friends fighting a battle with alcoholism became a rich, colorful fabric, woven with stories of differences but all creating the same tapestry.

The more I held my differences up to the principles of the Twelve Steps, the more I saw how many similarities we had. I can honor that someone is different from me and recognize that, with those differences, we travel the same path of recovery in our own ways of understanding. This opened me to the idea that I was truly part of the circle of Al‑Anon.

In keeping with Tradition Five, Al‑Anon’s only purpose has always been to help families of alcoholics. True to Tradition Three, the only requirement for membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend. Even so, I can come to Al‑Anon without reservation to see if it helps me and freely decide to leave if I think it isn’t helping.

The introduction to the “Groups at Work” section of the 2022-2025 Al‑Anon/Alateen Service Manual (P-24/27) says, “Al‑Anon is a unique fellowship that unites members of different backgrounds in an inspiring endeavor: helping themselves and others to lead purposeful, useful lives by overcoming the frustration and helplessness caused by close association with an alcoholic.” I have realized that my frustration or sense of helplessness is not different because of my skin color, education level, or any of those other things that might cause me to consider myself different from you.

Our newest daily reader, A Little Time for Myself (B-34), shows how diverse the Al‑Anon fellowship has become while still being able to come together for our one purpose. Many years have passed since Al‑Anon’s humble beginnings. Along the way, our groups have continued to grow as we welcome and embrace diversity by acknowledging our common welfare. Our own personal recovery is the proof that the program works to restore us to sanity.

When I find myself looking to fit in with the members around me by comparing our outsides, I challenge myself to look for the similarities inside. In this way, I can “see” with my ears and heart to receive the message of help and hope, from anyone, anywhere.

By Christa A., Senior Group Services Specialist

The Forum, October 2024

Reprinted with permission of Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, Virginia, USA.

“You are in a rough place right now,” my Sponsor said as we walked together before our meeting. I had asked him to meet me 30 minutes early to help me find some firm ground. My brother had died four days earlier, and my partner was spiraling into a drunken bottom of her own. Violence and chaos dominated my home life. Neither I nor my son felt safe in our home. I just wanted space for our shared grief and could find none. Even though I’d been in Al‑Anon eight years, I now found myself facing a new version of this baffling, cunning, and powerful disease at a time when I had no emotional energy to cope with it.

Still, my Sponsor’s simple words helped me find a little light and brought together all I had learned in Al‑Anon. Tradition Five states that Al‑Anon’s one purpose is “to help families of alcoholics” by welcoming and comforting them.

He welcomed me into the conversation by setting aside time on short notice to meet early. I mattered to him. He let me share what I was facing, just like we do at our meetings, without interruption. I rambled and cried, and he just let me. I felt comforted by his listening. He heard my pain and responded with how he saw me: “You are…” But he did not give me advice or tell me what to do. His quiet comfort gave me a little power in a situation where I felt powerless. I felt less alone, too—a key reason why we “Keep Coming Back” to our meetings.

At the time, I did not realize that his last two words were also crucial: “right now.” That period of time felt like forever while it was happening. It was overwhelming to feel so much all at once. But feelings aren’t facts. My Sponsor knew my feelings would pass eventually. They did. It wasn’t easy, but I bounced back better because of my program and its purpose of “welcoming and giving comfort to families of alcoholics.”

By Charley B.

The Forum, October 2024

Reprinted with permission of Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, Virginia, USA.

How many beginnings do I have in my life? As the world changes, as I change, opportunities for new beginnings appear. Accepting that change is a fact and a reality has certainly helped me in my recovery.

It took time—months, even years of weekly Al‑Anon meetings in my rural town before I recognized how powerless I was to change the person I loved and realized I was trying to control his behavior. I wanted him to have the same dreams I had and to want the same family happiness I wanted. I had thought that I could accomplish this dream if I just prayed with all my heart and studied my religious scriptures. I believed we could be happy if he changed.

Then came Al‑Anon. Step One says, “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.” This is written in the past tense. Something has already changed. I am looking back. I am standing on the first Step.

As I continued in the Al‑Anon program, each Step I worked on brought me to a new view from a higher position. Over time, as I studied each Step, I finally got to a place where I could “see the future.” I saw new hope and discovered new choices. Now I love waking up to each new day. It may be the usual routine or hold some new experience. But Steps One, Two, and Three always bring renewed hope and new possibilities as I apply them to my life today.

By Rosemarie B.

The Forum, October 2024

Reprinted with permission of Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, Virginia, USA.

Whenever I’m trying to control things I can’t control and trying to dictate instead of accept, my life starts to feel unmanageable. This feeling is particularly strong when I’m dealing with another person who isn’t acting the way I want them to act—especially when their behavior feels like an injustice against me.

In those moments, I live inside my head, spelling out all of their flaws and mistakes, proving my case for why I’m right, and trying to think of just the right words or actions that will make them do what I want. I twist myself up like a pretzel and only end up feeling even more out of control.

Luckily, with Al‑Anon and a whole lot of practice, I’m getting better at differentiating between the things I can control and the things I can’t. I am learning how to let go of other people’s behavior and find my truth and the courage to act on it. The inside of my head still gets unmanageable from time to time, but now I have the tools and the support system to recognize it sooner and move myself in a healthier direction.

By Matt B.

The Forum, November 2024

Reprinted with permission of Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, Virginia, USA.

Today while I was working in the backyard, one of our chickens flew over the fence of the pen and joined me. I thought nothing of it and continued my work. However, before learning that this chicken could fly over the fence and back again, my husband and I would frantically chase her, pick her up, and put her back over the fence into the pen. She would then fly out again. Once we knew she could get herself back in, we stopped trying to help her and just let her be, knowing there was a risk that she could be taken by predators while outside of the pen. We came to accept that reality.

It occurred to me that this situation was a lot like dealing with my alcoholic son. While he was growing up, I tried to control his behaviors and actions, not realizing I was letting myself be controlled by him. When I met my husband, who was in Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.), he saw what was going on and recognized the disease in my son. As much as my husband tried to help him, my son didn’t want to change. And no matter what I did or didn’t do, my son was going to be who he was.

When my son turned 18, he was kicked out of the house. I didn’t have the heart to do it, but my husband did, because he knew things weren’t going to change if we continued with the way things were. It’s been many years and many ups and downs since then, but thanks to all I’ve learned in Al‑Anon, I have accepted that, like that chicken, my son is who he is, and I can’t control his choices. I can only focus on my own recovery and hope that the predator of alcoholism doesn’t take him when he’s outside the pen of his.

By Monique F.

The Forum, November 2024

*Published in The Forum under the title “Lessons from a Chicken.”

Reprinted with permission of Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, Virginia, USA.